Missing her

I miss my baby! Sometimes it hurts so much I wonder if I will make it to the end of the day. I know her being happy and healthy should be enough but some days it seems like nothing will make it better. I want to hold her I want to play with her and sing to her and kiss her see her smile. I miss her so much. Someone please give me the strength I need because today I’m on the verge of tears and I just don’t have the time to break down. I miss her! I miss my Little!

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Missing her

  1. I am adopted, and it hurts me to think of my mother. She now has a son, I’m afraid that she loves me, she loves him and not me. I want to ask you mothers: what do you feel when you give the child up for adoption? I read that many mothers write “I really love my son.” But what do you feel concretely for this child? My mother was happy to know that I’m okay, and that I seek her, but relatives say she was a bad woman, who did not care much about his children.
    Answer me please, you do not grow the children that you gave up for adoption, so I want to ask you: why do you love this child? what you feel for him? you worry for him? if hem die or has an accident do you worry as they worry her adoptive parents?
    the relationship that a (birth) mother has with her child is not the same relationship that you have with a child that you grow for a lifetime. My (adoptive) mother worries a lot to me, she loves me, she knows my character and how I react to events, my (birth) mother does not know anything about me, so why she should love me? i don’t judje, but think about that hurts me so much, i want to understand, i want to have a testimony from a (birth) mother.
    Update: What would you do for that child? would you kill urself for him? I think that love we must built, as well as the relationships, just maternal instinct isn’t enough……

    • First I want to thank you for being brave in asking these question and being open to understanding. Second I would like to let you know I am of course will to share my feelings and understandings but I don’t speak for all birth mom’s each woman and experience of placing a child for adoption is different.
      To answer you first question: when placing my little for adoption while my heart breaking. For 9 months this life had been created in my body and we knew eachother. The minute she was born you knew she knew me it wasn’t a love that had been developed over time but a biological one. She was a part of me and I am a part of her. I was also at peace because will I was needed to create her I wasn’t meant to raise her. It’s hard to explain the feeling.
      For your second question: I love my Little, when I see pictures it bring joy to my heart and a smile on my face, when I hear of her troubles even at 2 my heart hurts in wanting to comfort her. And not because I created her but because of the relationship we have created since. Since I have an open adoption we communicate I visit, I call and skype.
      Your third: I love my little for many reasons, but some are her amaizng personality, her stubbornness, she truly is her own person and St the young age of 2 she knows it. I love her because of how much she loves her family. You can see the joy in her eyes and it fills my heart.
      Fourth Question: I love her and miss her, I’m proud of her, I worry for her.
      5th Question: I do worry about her but in other ways than her adoptive parents. I know they will take care of her and love her and are there for her. My worries are if she will love me and want a relationship with me. Will she understand the choice I made. Will she want to be around me. What questions will she asks as she gets older.
      For your last question: I would do anything for my little. Now I don’t have children I had raised and so if I needed to die I would. But if I did I can imagine the choice to be as difficult as it would be as any parent with multiple children.

      I understand your thoughts of love not being just biological. But there is a strong love that is biological but I have made the choice because I could to have an open adoption and build our on relationship if that’s what she wants. But I do miss her and love her and while I know she has amazing parents and family that love her. There is nothing that can take that away from me.

      Again thank you for asking your question and I hope I was able to give you some answer let me know if you have anymore.

      • thank you very much for your answer, I hope that other mothers will respond . I find it hard to understand deeply what it means to be forced to not be able raise a child , because i never gave up a child for adoption . I could not understand what kind of love you could feel for a child that you can not grow , I do not feel loved …. my adoptive parents love me very much, but to me this is not enough .
        I thought that love must be built over time , I believed that a bond of 9 months were not enough to truly love .

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s